The Ballad of Todd Akin (or, I cannot leave well enough alone)

There are strange things done in the Missouri sun
By the men who would office hold;
The campaign trails run off the rails
When Vagina-gate takes hold;
The leading lights take up States Rights,
In the quest to be nominee.
But when Akin cried “Charge!” by and large,
McCaskill holla’d with glee.

Now Akin is from the City–New York, as everyone knows.
Why he left his home to run in the South, only God (or Satan) knows.
He acted the toad, but ran unopposed, to hold the district from hell,
Though he’d often say in his homely way that “he thought he’d done quite well.”

Then one bright day, while musing away, on the Missouri trail,
A thought took hold, and through reason’s fold, it stabbed like a driven nail.
Right under our nose, a Dixie rose, if only we’d eyes to see–
“The Senate’s more fun! I can make a run! The blastocysts need me!”

And that very night, as women slept tight, Todd Akin took aim at Roe.
Yea, we lay abed, the hazards ahead, as yet we could not know–
The bitter sea, a poisonous tree—our lone hope the fickle press.
What do we do against claims untrue that certain sperm is blessed?

It seemed apropos that Akin didn’t know how an embryo is grown;
His words were bold, bright as Fool’s Gold, but wrong right down to the bone.
Sperm do imbed, despite female dread, as sure as Seattle rains.
Todd Akin take care, all the ladies fair are mocking your lack of brains.

A woman’s need is a thing to heed, and this time we will not fail.
Steinem lead on! We’ll march at dawn! This campaign we must derail–
The voters we’ll sway with our passion play, in the shade of the old oak tree,
To reinstall, once and for all, McCaskill, and set our ova free!

There are strange things done in the Missouri sun
By the men who would office hold;
The campaign trails run off the rails
When Vagina-gate takes hold;
The leading lights take up States Rights,
In the quest to be nominee.
But when Akin cried “Charge!” by and large,
McCaskill holla’d with glee.

A little shorter than Sam McGee’s story, but then, I have less material to work with.

(xposted to Whatever)

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