Do the Humpty Dance

Weird thing in the elevator, yesterday. A bunch of employees were in there, all of us reading on our respective devices (as we do), and with us were a couple who were apparently visiting. I could tell that they were visitors because they weren’t wearing geek badges, weren’t reading, and were going to the reception floor. So, visitors, natch.

One of the coworkers, also on this elevator, is a terribly elegant man, with a strong sense of line and form. I only know him by sight, but I always admire his style: clean, simple, rather refined. Yesterday, he was fairly typically turned out in slim black trousers, a long sweater, and very shiny shoes. After he got off of the elevator, though, the visitors began speculating on his sexuality in fairly vulgar terms.

The shock that rippled through the other riders was visible. I know I looked up, gaping, and I saw several others twitch. I tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t reflect poorly on my company, because I couldn’t very well yell, “are you tripping?!” at a stranger, but wow. Just wow. Really?

I just don’t get it. Unless one of the visitors was looking to score a date with my coworker, why would he care about the other man’s orientation, and what the fuck does that have to do with his sartorial choices, anyway? Which are, I am going to reiterate, impeccable.


One thought on “Do the Humpty Dance

  1. I used to have neighbors in the apartment next to me. They moved out after months of complaining about the very noisy upstairs neighbors (they were directly underneath, and it was pretty bad). They didn’t get much cooperation from the landlord. Complicating matters, they had two unauthorized cats. Between the two problems, they hadn’t asked for repairs to the place, and although they were typically tidy and clean, they’d let things go just before they moved out.

    So they left, and the cleaning crew was there. I said hello, and I heard one of them really bad-mouthing the former tenants as nasty hideous pigs. So I said, “Look, you’re cleaning this up, and I can’t tell you how to feel about your job. It pretty much is what it is, but I just want you to know that they’re decent people, and my friends.”

    Basically I was saying “please watch your mouth around me”. Your situation is very tricky. Would it have been too confrontational to say something like, “Actually, he’s a very nice man, and an acquaintance of mine”? It would be kind of a lie, but it might have shut the visitors up, kind of putting them on notice to please shut the fuck up around me, you don’t know me, don’t fucking assume that everything you say is cool or that nothing matters, PS have a nice day.

    Sorry. I am grumpy.

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