Handy-Gal

One of the drawbacks of being in a lesbian relationship is that neither of us were raised and/or socialized into the various skills necessary to maintain anything that is not made of fabric or food. We can sew, knit, crochet, quilt, cook, can, etc., but when it comes to woodworking and electricity, among other skills, we depend almost entirely upon my college education as a theatre production and design major. The BH is fluent in French, German, Japanese, and English (being American, the last is a gimme), and I know how to set in a zipper or make chain-mail, but neither of us can can change a tire, is what I’m sayin’.

So, last night, I managed to break off the handle to our sliding glass patio door. I’m not the Incredible Hulk, there was no great feat of strength involved–it was just old, and tired, and I applied the wrong pressure at the wrong time, so the whole thing came off in my hand, and grrr, argh.

Not having encountered this phenomenon previously, I took the remaining handle portion into my local hardware store, seeking a replacement, and realized that I should have measured only after I was faced with a rack of differently sized handles. Fortunately, I have a very good eye for spacial relationships, and managed to pick out the right size. I just finished installing the new handle mechanism, and I’m happy to report that YAY, it fit, it works, and we can once more leave our house. Awesome.

Do not try this at home! I spent many, many years learning how to estimate someone’s waist size, height, and inseam from a glance. This grew out of more years of being the weird chick who tested crazy high on certain types of exams. Most people cannot judge 3 3/4 inches on sight, and that is totally okay. I’m completely tone deaf, and I won’t remember your name 10 seconds after you leave my immediate vicinity. We all have skills, and weaknesses. Know yours and behave accordingly.

Anyway, the patio door is now fixed, with a brand new, shiny handle. Also, all of the cats took advantage of the opportunity to explore the great outdoors. Since our pussies are pussies, I expect them to beg for re-entry momentarily. If they don’t get eaten by coyotes, first.

While I was at the hardware store, I also picked up a new roller for the patio door, and another for the upstairs shower. Perhaps, this weekend, I will attempt further repairs, and we may one day have a house that functions. Wouldn’t that be exciting and new? Today, the patio door, tomorrow… THE WORLD!

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