Let’s talk about poop, baby. Let’s talk about you and me…

Hopefully, we all do it. We’re built to excrete, even more than to eat or fuck. Is there an animal that doesn’t shit? I don’t think so.

What makes a good bm? Fat, water, and fiber. Yes, you gotta grease that log, or else it’s just going to lodge up in your guts, like a beaver dam. Water keeps things nice and squishy, and fiber scrapes out the bits that cling to the walls of your intestines, rotting and feeding the bad bacteria. Altogether, these three are the magic poo.

And that’s all I got. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about shit, right now, since everything is totally cool in my bowels, right now, but whatever. Also, the NYT Sunday Crossword is absolutely essential in a happy WC.


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